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Writer's pictureMarcus D. Taylor

What Parents Should Avoid When Talking to Their Children About Military Service

Updated: 6 minutes ago

When discussing the possibility of military service with your child, it's natural to draw from your own experiences or opinions. However, it's important to remember that each person’s journey is unique, and the military today might be different from what you or others experienced. Here are a few things parents should avoid when talking to their children about military service:


1. Projecting Your Own Military Experience Onto Your Child

Your military experience, whether positive or negative, is personal to you. While your stories can be valuable, they should not be the lens through which your child views the military. Encourage them to do their own research, talk to recruiters, and ask questions. The military has evolved, and each branch may offer different opportunities today than they did in the past. Give your child the space to form their own understanding and relationship with the military.


2. Spreading Incomplete or Misleading Information

Many rumors and misconceptions circulate about military life, from scare tactics about war to stories of dysfunction within the ranks. It’s important to avoid sensationalizing these aspects without providing the full context. For example, while combat is a reality for some in the military, not every service member is deployed to combat zones. In fact, most service members work in support, technical, or administrative roles. Sharing horror stories without offering a balanced perspective can unnecessarily scare your child away from considering the military.


3. Using the Military's Challenges to Dissuade Your Child

It’s important to acknowledge the difficulties that can come with military life, but avoid framing these challenges in a way that discourages your child from exploring the opportunity. Instead, offer balanced insight. Yes, there are long deployments, rigorous training, and hierarchical structures, but the military also offers tremendous benefits—educational opportunities, leadership development, and career skills. Make sure your child is aware of both sides of the coin, and let them make an informed decision.


4. Perpetuating the Myth of the Military as a Racist Organization

Racism, like other forms of discrimination, exists in all sectors of society, including the military. However, the military is also one of the most diverse institutions in the U.S., with a strong emphasis on merit and teamwork. The military is a place where individuals of different backgrounds come together for a common mission, and diversity is often celebrated. While acknowledging that racism can exist, it’s crucial to dispel the myth that the military as a whole is a racist organization. Instead, emphasize the military’s efforts to foster inclusion and equality, and how service members are often judged by their performance and dedication rather than their race or background.


5. Using Scare Tactics Like War to Deter Them

Parents often worry about their child being sent into dangerous situations. However, it’s important not to use fear of combat or war as a tactic to dissuade them. The reality is that the majority of military roles are non-combat positions, and the decision to enter a combat role is often voluntary. Moreover, military personnel are trained extensively to handle the risks associated with their duties. Rather than scaring them away from service, encourage them to think critically about what roles they are interested in and what paths align with their goals.


6. Pushing Your Child Away from Military Service Opportunities Based on Your Fears

Sometimes parents project their own fears or regrets about their military service onto their children, pushing them away from opportunities to serve. While it’s natural to want to protect your child, it’s important to let them explore the military on their own terms. The military can be a valuable option for those looking to build discipline, leadership skills, and a career. It can also be a way for your child to find purpose, especially if they are unsure about college or other career paths.


7. Discouraging Critical Thinking and Independence

Encourage your child to be a critically thinking individual with a clear sense of purpose. They should approach the military as a tool to help them reach their goals, whether those goals are related to education, career development, or service to the country. The decision to join the military should be theirs, not based on parental expectations or experiences. As a parent, your role is to guide them in weighing the pros and cons, exploring their options, and making a decision that aligns with their own goals and values.


Conclusion

At the end of the day, your child’s decision about whether to join the military should be their own. By avoiding scare tactics, myths, and projecting your own experiences, you can help them make a well-informed choice that’s right for them. The military offers valuable benefits and opportunities, but it’s important that your child enters this path with a clear understanding of the realities, challenges, and rewards that come with service. Encourage them to be independent thinkers, seek accurate information, and choose a path that supports their goals and values.

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